When you first start out on your own at 29 years old, you might think it’s okay to just slap your mattress directly onto the floor. Of course, once you spill Jolt all over the floor and your mattress sops it up, the mildew and mold will clue you in to the importance of a […]

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Unless you’re a clueless college kid who thinks he knows everything, you need sheets for your bed. And, even if you don’t like to cover up your pillows, pillowcases are crucial if you hope to collect massive amounts of candy on Halloween. With these cold hard facts in mind, I went in pursuit of the […]

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My hair tends to be kind of wild, almost curly, mostly frizzy, and bleached to heck and back. At worst, if left alone, it will resemble that of an ‘80s hair band back-up dancer. At best, when I’ve spent the time needed to do a Pinterest inspired blowout, it’s almost passable as somewhat healthy and […]

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The headline to this article is slightly misleading. We did not use the Banana Phone nonstop for 45 days. We didn’t even use it every day. We did use it more than a dozen times in a variety of situations to put it through its paces. What we found is that the Banana Phone mostly […]

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Hey Kids, helmets are cool. I see a lot of you out there riding your bicycles with your helmet hanging from your handlebars. That makes you look like a Grade-A moron. Trust me. I know. A couple months ago, I was skating in a parade with a bunch of my roller derby friends. I didn’t […]

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Erin Brains of the Brains Report really needed her own computer. I would send stuff for her to edit, and she would be forced by her cruel taskmaster to do her work on her phone. Plus, sometimes she just wants to get away from the family and re-watch her stories (Games of Throne, America’s Next […]

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In mid-September, I went to work in my home office like I do every day. But, this day was different from the others. The internet wasn’t working. There was horror in my eyes and gnashing of my teeth. I tore at my clothes. The signal from our router (a Linksys EA6350) had been declining for […]

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Going to the store to pick out the six or seven bottles of wine you need to get through the night can be a real drag. You have no frame of reference for how good the wine is other than the artwork on the label and the price. To make matters worse, there are essentially […]

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crocodile costume

What are you going to be for Halloween? Erin decided she didn’t like any of the suggestions I came up with in this post. Instead, she’s teamed up with coworkers on some weird theme that I’m not allowed to tell you about that necessitates her dressing like a crocodile. After careful consideration, she decided she […]

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