I don’t get invited into many private homes. And, almost no one lets me spend the night. Recently, I suckered a poor couple with an infant into letting me in their house. When I showed up, I realized I didn’t have a gift to give them. I felt like a Grade-A moron. Well, it turns out I’m glad I didn’t have an overnight host gift. It allowed me to scope out the scene and get them something they actually wanted.

And, this is what I recommend you do as well. Emily Post says it’s perfectly okay to give a gift afterward. And, if you can’t trust her when it comes to etiquette, who can you trust? I got my hosts a toilet night light that would match the weird light they had coming out of their faucet. Most people may not be into that so here are some ideas if nothing strikes you right away:

Drink Markers

Fred & Friends

Did you continually grab your host’s wine glass and empty its contents down your gullet because you couldn’t tell whose glass was whose? You can apologize by sending them drink markers that fit around the stems of their wine glasses. We have Fred WINE LIVES Kitty Drink Markers, which feature dead cats in a variety of colors. They do a great job of keeping me herpes free!


Bob’s Burgers

Are you looking for a passive-aggressive way to say you hated your hosts’ cooking and wish they had just let you take them out to dinner at the restaurant you have been wanting to try for years? Get them a cookbook! My all-time favorite cookbook is Joy of Cooking, but I assume everyone already has that. Be cool, and get them The Bob’s Burgers Burger Book: Real Recipes for Joke Burgers.

Ice Cream Sammitch Maker


Are you pissed that the hosts did not have the ice cream sandwiches you require as part of your bedtime routine? Make sure they don’t make the same mistake again. No, I’m not talking about blowing up their house with them in it. Instead, give them the Chef’n Sweet Spot Ice Cream Sandwich Maker as a gift.

Stupid Candles



For some reason, your gift has to revolve around wine. Every article about host gifts talks about wine or linens or giving their kid a dumb book. Well, I recommend the Deco Glow CDL5467 Candle, Wine Bottle Merlot. It’s basically a candle in a sawed-in-half wine bottle. Don’t worry, though. There are no jagged edges to cut people.

Novelty Ice Cube Trays

Fairly Odd Novelties

I have a grandpa who doesn’t like ice in his scotch because fish poop in the water that is used to make ice cubes. I didn’t want to point out that fish poop water is in everything. Instead, I gave him a Novelty Fish Shapes Ice Cube Tray Mold. And, we’ve received plenty of Fred BRAIN FREEZE Ice Trays.


Joking Hazard

Was there nothing to do at your hosts’ house? Send them some games so they can learn to liven things up. Cards Against Humanity, Exploding Kittens: A Card Game About Kittens and Explosions and Sometimes Goats, and Joking Hazard are all excellent options.

Framed Picture from Your Visit

Grasslands Road

Did you take pictures of yourself licking inappropriate things in your hosts’ house? Did you sneak into your hosts’ bedroom while they were asleep and take a picture of them? Print that picture out and send it to them in a Grasslands Road Pet Memorial Picture Frame.


Aura Creations

If all else fails, send them a chore. As your host waters their houseplant each day, they will be constantly reminded that you are no longer welcome in their house. I recommend the 12 Pcs Tillandsia AirPlant Lot.

Do you let people stay in your house? What’s the best gift you have ever received? Also, do you have a spare bed for me next weekend? Please share your comments below.